Last week, a friend of mine called me upset by a recent rift in one of her other friendships.  She was beginning to suspect that someone she had known for over 30 years had given her the heave-ho after discovering that she had become more serious about her faith.  She was deeply hurt by this turn of events and wondered if it ever happened to other Christians.

 Um . . . unfortunately, yes.  Absolutely.

I told her of my own battle with this.  I became a Christian at the age of 30.  A statistical anomaly from what I’m told.  Up to that point, I considered myself a good person.  But, I made a lot of poor choices in life.  Many of which I’m lucky to have lived through.  Like most people, I tried my best, but I gave myself a lot of slack.  Let me restate that:  a LOT of slack. Once I became a Christian, I decided that I wanted to do better.  To aim for a higher ideal than the life I led before.  So, obviously, some changes needed to be made.

 Now, I need to make it clear here that I’m still struggling with some of these changes more than 8 years later.  And that, of course, is no reflection on God, but rather on my ability to truly give these issues over to Him fully.  All of this to say, that becoming a Christian did not rid me of my problems and struggles, but simply gave me the desire to try harder, to do better than I ever did before.

During this transition, I decided against doing things that I had done only weeks before.  It wasn’t that I suddenly judged others for doing those things, I just knew that I didn’t feel comfortable doing them anymore.  In response to God’s incredible love for me—a love like I’d never felt—I had a deep yearning to change myself.  To not only move away from the things that I knew He didn’t approve of, but even those that were a little on the fence, those that made me feel like I was setting a bad example somehow.  I suddenly had the nonstop urge to become a better daughter for Him.  Someone He would be proud of, someone worthy of being called His child.

I never said a word about making these changes to my friends. I never suggested that they do the same. Many of them were not Christians, and I knew—from my own personal coming to Christ—that actions often were a better witness than words.  That turning on them after turning my life over to Christ would go directly against what I believed a Christian should truly be.  That I needed to find a way to keep a relationship with them in the hopes that someday, they might choose a relationship with Christ as well.

It wasn’t easy.

I lost a lot of friends, had many simply distance themselves and felt isolated from others.  As I went about respectfully setting boundaries around areas I was no longer willing to go, they began to see that I was serious about my faith.  And that, sadly, was all it took.

The fact is, they were going to assume that I was judging them and holding them to a higher ideal no matter what I did or said.  They were going to see me as the world sees many Christians—too many rules and not enough fun—no matter how I tried to still be a part of their lives.  And, I had to accept that, and let the ones that chose to go . . . go.  Because in the end, it was no longer about me, or them, or our friendship.  It was about me and God, His offer, my acceptance and our relationship.

I had to do what many before and many after me have done.  I let go of the past and chose to move forward.

Philippians 3:13-14 says”

“Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” 

If you find yourself in this situation, it can be a lonely and disheartening place.  I encourage you to bring your disappointments and heavy heart to God.  Pray for what you need, knowing that He will find a person to give that to you. 

I’m lucky enough now to have several godly women in my circle of friends.  It wasn’t always that way.  But, I continued on, knowing that He would provide me what I needed, and who I needed in my life.  He did and He will do the same for you.