After two months of living in a deep fog, I am coming out of my hole.  I think a lot of us would like to crawl in our own customized get-aways right now.  Times are scary.  For some more so than others.

For some of us, the scariness comes from stories on the nightly news or our daily newspapers as we watch the statistics of job losses and home losses and wonder if life losses will follow as they did in the Great Depression.  For others, the scariness shows up at our own kitchen tables as we struggle with piles of bills we can no longer pay due to job losses that were out of our control and a job market that flows against us.

For me, facing this economic nightmare has meant more than putting back extras at the superstore, or taking a vacation closer to home in lieu of something more exciting.  For me and my family, it has meant food on our table and clothing on our backs.  The nightmare of the possibility of our losing our home.  The phone that won't stop ringing from bills that we can no longer pay, but one that stays eerily silent of job opportunities.  Sadly, I know that I am not alone.
. 
With the passing of my career, came the loss of nearly two-thirds of our income.  Quite a hit for any family to take.  Unfortunately for us, it arrived just after we'd recuperated from my husband’s job loss nearly a year before.  Just as we got back on track with our bills, the cycle began again.  Eight months into this second job loss, we were at a dead end.  Our savings depleted.  Our retirement cashed in and depleted.  We were at zero.

The looming thought of bankruptcy kept us awake and on edge most nights.  With our mortgage company refusing to work with us after 7 months of us trying to jump through hoops for them, we resigned ourselves to the fact that it was inevitable.  We would do what we had to do to save our house.

I can’t tell you the number of times I cried out to God during this time.  It has been the biggest struggle of my life thus far.  I prayed to God daily even to the point of begging Him to help us. Pleading for mercy. However, as often happens with the timing of grace, my time line was immediate whereas God's was not.

In the midst of our struggle, a single joy surprised me as by husband began his walk with Christ.  However, as our financial situation carried on and worsened with each passing week, more than losing my home, I feared that my husband might lose his faith in God and what that kind of loss would mean to our family and our future. 

After weeks of gathering personal financial information I never expected another person to have access to, and a growing sense of desperation and fear, we were ready to file for bankruptcy.  Once we decided our course, I wanted it over with immediately.  We got everything ready, turned it in and waited for our date.  When we were given one, a Tuesday morning, I was put out that the lawyer couldn't squeeze us in the Friday before.  Another weekend of worry.  Another weekend of unending phone calls. 

Finally, our bankruptcy date was one day away.  As happened each morning, my husband received a daily Bible verse by email.  Though he had read these regularly when he originally signed up for them, he had begun to delete them without even opening them in the last weeks.  But when one arrived in his in-box that morning, he opened it and found:

"Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete."  John 16:24

He considered that verse, wondered if maybe he hadn't been asking for God's provision in the right way and prayed one last prayer of help, in Jesus name.

When he picked up the mail that night, a thick letter from our mortgage company sat amongst a pile of unpaid bills.  Foreclosure papers, he was sure.  After 7 months of working with them, we had already been informed that they would not be modifying our loan.  We had already received a letter from an attorney stating that foreclosure proceedings would begin.  Not wanting to read the actual words, he sat the letter to the side and went on with his evening.

As he stopped at one last job site to check on some work, he was delayed and had to wait for someone to show up.  Staring at the letter on his passenger seat, he decided to face the inevitable. 
 
With less than 15 hours before our bankruptcy would become final . . . 

God showed up.

A mortgage company that had fought with us over minute details of our lives, had consistently lost tax returns, pay stubs, and a variety of information we had sent to them; A mortgage company that listened to our last plea for help only one week before and told us that they would proceed with foreclosure anyway . . . had suddenly changed their minds.

This information didn't arrive days before, as it could have, or days after--as would have gone along with our recent stroke of luck.  It arrived within our greatest hour of need.  On the very day of our final attempt to cry out to God one last time.  Our last time of hoping beyond hope that He would answer, but feeling in our hearts that the time for help had passed.

In His own, Perfect, BEAUTIFUL timing . . . God answered our prayers.  

As we sat stunned and read and re-read the proposal, we felt so undeserving of the love He showed us even when we didn't believe He would.  It reminded us again of how big our God is, and how much He loves us, even when we can't feel it, or see it, or even believe that it is coming.  God performed a miracle for us before our very eyes.  Had we gotten the appointment date the Friday before, or received the letter 16 hours later than we did, we would have missed His blessing.

He is an amazing God.  An unexpected God.  An unfailing God. And, a God with impeccable timing of His grace.

For those of you who are hanging by a thread so small you believe it may snap at the slightest breath, I encourage you to hold tight!  As you struggle with thoughts of abandonment, be steadfast!  As you look around at your life and your circumstances, do not give up! God is with you in your struggle, no matter how large or how small.  No matter how desperate it may seem.  Whether you see Him in it or not. Keep your eyes on Him.  Ask Him for what you need.  Then wait on Him.

And, when He shows up--In His own perfect time--your joy will be beyond what you could ever imagine.  But, that's His style after all.  Perfect Grace for imperfect people.