We're having issues at my house. 

As my young daughter inches further along in her tween years, I'm starting to understand why the category "tween" was invented.  At the age of nearly ten, she is quickly resembling more and more of what I was like as a teen.  I'm amazed at the level of intelligence and savvy of children at this age.  She has far surpassed where I was emotionally and mentally at the age of 10.  And, I have to say, I don't like seeing it.  With every request her father and I make, eyes roll and lungs exhale.  When correction is needed, she balks as if we have crossed the line in our relationship with her.  And, when firm action is taken we are flat out informed of the unfair / mean / rude / disrespectful (okay, she is mocking us) / hurtful parents we have become.

Even when she fully understands that what she is doing is of her own will, when trouble finds her she must blame someone.  Always, someone else.

As I listen to tones in her voice that make me cringe, I think back to my own mother and wonder how she made it through. (Thanks mom!) Surely, I didn't start at this age?  I mean, I clearly remember being a bundle of joy until the age of oh . . . fourteen, right? 

As struggles ensue on a daily basis, I often come out on the losing end of these battles.  Not that I don't get my point across, and not that she doesn't comply (forced to comply is still comply), it's that I feel like a horrible, mean, scary and terrible mother for being so hard on her. 

My greatest desire for my daughter is that she grows to see herself as God sees her, not as the world sees her.  I want her to understand that rules are made for her protection, not her fun-prevention.  And, I want her to feel that she is deeply, deeply loved by her family . . . but most especially by her mother.

It's frustrating.

At the same time in our home, I'm having some issues of my own.  Recently, my career came to a crashing halt as I was laid off and soon found that the textile industry has shrunken to a mere speck of its former glory.  While I was actually relieved in many ways, and glad to pursue other things of interest, it has been nagging at me.  With seething undertones.  In the middle of the night.

I struggle with this fact on a daily basis.  And, while I am determined to stay on the positive side of the fence, someone is clearly trying to pull me to the negative.  It has caused me to cry out to God more than once, asking Him for direction.  Begging Him to let me in on the little secret known as: my future. And, I would imagine, I'm not exactly the picture perfect child in these moments.  Perhaps whiny even, as I long to know Whhhyyyy.

Though I don't find myself blaming God for my predicament, I do feel the need to blame someone.  And, I don't like that.  However, the thoughts in my mind have led me to realize how similar to my tween I've become.  So frustrated over trying to follow someone else's rules.  So helpless as to what decisions they will make.  And so quick to judge when they don't go the direction I want them to.

Funny isn't it?  How the things we struggle the most with our children are often the very same things which we are struggling with God?  I feel Him telling me to be patient.  I know He will show me in due time.  And, I know throughout it all that I will be ok because of His deep, deep love for me.  But, it's still not easy.

As I struggle in my obedience to God, I am reminded that it is the very same struggle my daughter is having with my authority.  And, I'm reminded that in order for her to feel safe, secure and loved, the best thing I can do for her is to remain constant.  To stand with her, and to love her like crazy even when she seems unlovable. 

I know that is what God is doing for me.  I pray that I can follow His perfect example.