If Patience is a Virtue, Where Does That Leave Me?
If patience is a virtue, where does that leave me?
I've had a bad week. Actually, a couple of them. Difficult weeks. Taxing weeks. And they don't seem to be getting any better even after a relaxing weekend. Not good for a mom of three who lives for that breath of relief that only comes late Friday afternoon.
Two weeks ago, my company implemented a layoff of my entire division. Sixty people gone in an instant. No warning. No notice whatsoever. Sold to another corporation while we stood by helplessly and wondered what would happen to all of the hard work we'd put in over the years. Such is the nature of textiles.
It's not the first time I've gone through this. In fact, I've been down this path several times, as have most of the people in my industry. This is however, the first time that the layoff has been painfully stretched across the span of two weeks. Thus, my impatience.
After being told on a Tuesday that our company was sold, employees were shuffled into two piles. In pile #1 were those that would be interviewed by the new company to be considered for the few remaining spots they needed to fill. Pile #2 would dangle precariously for eternity while the original company decided whether or not to continue using them in the business. Well . . . that's not exactly how they put it. But, can you guess which pile I'm in? Yes, pile #2. I'm lucky like that.
Normally, I'm a very patient person. In fact, I was so calm over all of this through the first ten days, my husband was seriously concerned that I was having some kind of silent mental breakdown. I wasn't. I have a strong faith and felt totally assured that God would take care of me and my family through all of this. I was just waiting to see what He would do. The direction He would lead me in next.
When my boss called the Friday after the layoff to say it would be a few more days, I wasn't the least bit upset. I prayed that God would lead them to the right decision for me, whatever that might be.
When she called on day eight to say it would be two more days, I thought "OK. This is all part of the plan. I can wait a couple more days to discover my new path in life."
When she called again, on the second Friday night, to say it would be a few more days, I . . . well . . . I sort of snapped. My husband longed for a silent breakdown.
Of course, my lovely family was in the crosshairs. My poor children could not whine within fifty feet of me without being sent to their rooms. My dogs couldn't even request a trip outside to potty without me reprimanding "Really?! Again?!" Not the best days I've seen.
While only days before, a close friend praised me for being a "Godly woman" during this fiasco, I was starting to wonder if all of that was just a facade. If, when it came right down to it, I didn't have enough faith.
My patience was gone and I began to feel pretty bad about myself. Not for losing my job, which incredibly, I'm still not fazed by. But for only lasting ten days relying on God to lead. A mere ten days and the unraveling began. It led me to some serious thinking.
One of my favorite parts of the Bible is Exodus. After God freed His people from lives of brutal slavery in Egypt, they followed Him through the desert for forty years of whining and complaining. OK. The Bible doesn't quite put it that way, but that is essentially what happened.
People who had food rain down from heaven on a nightly basis would get up the next day and complain about the blandness of their diet. People who followed a fire in the sky would whine about why God had left them to die in the desert. Really?! With signs and miracles right in front of their faces? They couldn't see that God was with them? I love those guys. They are so real. And, I can totally relate.
While God travelled with them and provided their every need, they whined and complained without ceasing. So I have to wonder, why am I so surprised to find myself doing the same?
As I continue through my Bible-in-a-year reading this morning (now on year two), I came across the following verses:
"The Lord directs our steps, so why try to understand everything along the way?" Proverbs 20:24
"Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord." Psalm 27:14
He meant those for me today. And, I really needed to hear them. I feel my patience renewing. Sure, I'm not going to wait forever on my company to decide -- who can do that in times like these? But, I am willing to wait on God. To make sure that every decision I make is done so prayerfully. To listen and learn from what He places before me. To see the signs and miracles right in front of my face. For those things, I am grateful. For renewed strength, I am thankful. And for God's plan for me, I will be patient.
I've had a bad week. Actually, a couple of them. Difficult weeks. Taxing weeks. And they don't seem to be getting any better even after a relaxing weekend. Not good for a mom of three who lives for that breath of relief that only comes late Friday afternoon.
Two weeks ago, my company implemented a layoff of my entire division. Sixty people gone in an instant. No warning. No notice whatsoever. Sold to another corporation while we stood by helplessly and wondered what would happen to all of the hard work we'd put in over the years. Such is the nature of textiles.
It's not the first time I've gone through this. In fact, I've been down this path several times, as have most of the people in my industry. This is however, the first time that the layoff has been painfully stretched across the span of two weeks. Thus, my impatience.
After being told on a Tuesday that our company was sold, employees were shuffled into two piles. In pile #1 were those that would be interviewed by the new company to be considered for the few remaining spots they needed to fill. Pile #2 would dangle precariously for eternity while the original company decided whether or not to continue using them in the business. Well . . . that's not exactly how they put it. But, can you guess which pile I'm in? Yes, pile #2. I'm lucky like that.
Normally, I'm a very patient person. In fact, I was so calm over all of this through the first ten days, my husband was seriously concerned that I was having some kind of silent mental breakdown. I wasn't. I have a strong faith and felt totally assured that God would take care of me and my family through all of this. I was just waiting to see what He would do. The direction He would lead me in next.
When my boss called the Friday after the layoff to say it would be a few more days, I wasn't the least bit upset. I prayed that God would lead them to the right decision for me, whatever that might be.
When she called on day eight to say it would be two more days, I thought "OK. This is all part of the plan. I can wait a couple more days to discover my new path in life."
When she called again, on the second Friday night, to say it would be a few more days, I . . . well . . . I sort of snapped. My husband longed for a silent breakdown.
Of course, my lovely family was in the crosshairs. My poor children could not whine within fifty feet of me without being sent to their rooms. My dogs couldn't even request a trip outside to potty without me reprimanding "Really?! Again?!" Not the best days I've seen.
While only days before, a close friend praised me for being a "Godly woman" during this fiasco, I was starting to wonder if all of that was just a facade. If, when it came right down to it, I didn't have enough faith.
My patience was gone and I began to feel pretty bad about myself. Not for losing my job, which incredibly, I'm still not fazed by. But for only lasting ten days relying on God to lead. A mere ten days and the unraveling began. It led me to some serious thinking.
One of my favorite parts of the Bible is Exodus. After God freed His people from lives of brutal slavery in Egypt, they followed Him through the desert for forty years of whining and complaining. OK. The Bible doesn't quite put it that way, but that is essentially what happened.
People who had food rain down from heaven on a nightly basis would get up the next day and complain about the blandness of their diet. People who followed a fire in the sky would whine about why God had left them to die in the desert. Really?! With signs and miracles right in front of their faces? They couldn't see that God was with them? I love those guys. They are so real. And, I can totally relate.
While God travelled with them and provided their every need, they whined and complained without ceasing. So I have to wonder, why am I so surprised to find myself doing the same?
As I continue through my Bible-in-a-year reading this morning (now on year two), I came across the following verses:
"The Lord directs our steps, so why try to understand everything along the way?" Proverbs 20:24
"Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord." Psalm 27:14
He meant those for me today. And, I really needed to hear them. I feel my patience renewing. Sure, I'm not going to wait forever on my company to decide -- who can do that in times like these? But, I am willing to wait on God. To make sure that every decision I make is done so prayerfully. To listen and learn from what He places before me. To see the signs and miracles right in front of my face. For those things, I am grateful. For renewed strength, I am thankful. And for God's plan for me, I will be patient.
Don't be so hard on yourself - sounds like you held it together longer than I would have :o) I think everyone is on pins and needles no matter what these days. Sometimes I think we all carry too much on our shoulders and should just give a lot of it to God. The news doesn't help matters. And people wonder why I've been watching so much SpongeBob - ha! If anyone will make lemonade out of lemons it's you girlfriend!
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I loved reading your blog. It is really hard to be PATIENT sometimes. You are exactly right when you say that God gave them signs and miracles, but they never even noticed. We all too often do this. Reading this is like a breath of fresh air. I, too, struggle with the uncertain of a job, but now, I too, will be patient
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Hey girl, I stopped in to say hello.
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